Fitting In or Out

No Name, No.4

Thoughts while looking at the image:

 I struggle to find out how I fit in

always wanting to get out

because the in can be overwhelming

and yet the out so deeply lonely.

To fit in becomes a commitment 

to which we surrender time 

and practice constantly

vulnerability, trust and compassion. 

There is no real out,

because by avoiding being in

you still impact those around you

because of their compassion

The desire of us all is to be together.

We struggle because of the want,

the want that calls to this oneness

that is exhilarating and also terrifying

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

When It All Comes Together

 

Very well then, when it all comes together

A few thoughts on this piece

 

-It is possible that every piece of creativity is a search for God or something that represents the creative force of the universe.

-The piece above is like many of my works. It is me searching by creating.

-I often create a chaotic base on wood or canvas and then draw into it

-This puts me in a very relaxed state

-I think of the lines and symbols as an undefined language that only another creative (or the universe's creator) might understand 

-The word understanding is misleading

-Understanding implies knowledge transferred

-All I am attempting to do is transfer feeling

-The feeling you will receive will most likely depend on your state of mind at the time of viewing  

 -While all creativity maybe a search for the divine, it is also a mirror to the moment

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

 

Somewhere

 

I left it somewhere.

The question is 

which somewhere?

There are so many

somewheres!

In fact everywhere

is a potential somewhere.

It is in a "where" that

something can always be.

Once something can

be there

it is a somewhere.

Above is a picture 

of about 100

different somewheres

and things being there.

This whole thing is pointless

but I like the picture

and had to put it

somewhere. 

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

The Place I Was Before

 

Trying

maybe if I go around this way

to get back

no I need to loop under there

to the place

I gotta drop down and slide under

I was before

Remember

we just go down here and turn left

the time

jump up and over and drop down

we forgot

If you bend down you should fit through

the way home

Realize

Leap over this and slide down under there

you are where

There were two rights then a left, I think

you need

You are just going to need to let go and jump

to be

Image title: "Trying to get back to the place I was before"

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

Beauty

I met a flower the other day that asked me if I knew how beautiful I was. I said, Me, beautiful? It's you, flower, you're the beautiful one. I mean, you really caught my eye. Caught your eye, said the flower. I don't even have an eye but I know how beautiful you are. Every time you exhale my whole body absorbs your breath and I am reminded of your beauty. It is the relationship we have that defines your beauty. Beauty is something you offer to another; it is a gift, a moment of awe. The cycle of life that humans and plants share is awesome. It is not a visual thing but is still beautiful. So flowers think you are beautiful! Embrace it and breathe out.

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

More thought on the soul

Like a landfill, the un-locatable element I call my soul is filled with layer upon layer of life-expressed debris. In this image I depict two malformed demons who live in my soul and spend their time stomping down all that collects in my soul. So now you're saying to me, "I did not realize anything gathered in the soul." My response is, "look, I just make this stuff up, that's why my soul is so cluttered." For me, my soul is a huge space and it fills constantly with fragments of thought, dream, vision, whimsy, passion, desire, loathing, rage, joy, wonder, shall I go on? My soul is a dump for everything my mind exhales. This is just me, it does not need to be this way for you. Thanks for reading.

Title of Piece:  Tamping Down the Layers of My Soul

 2021 

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

State of Discovery

 

I don't expect everyone to understand what I create

I truly do not understand it myself

If I had understanding of what I was doing I would probably stop

My creating is an exploration,

a constant state of discovering

When you spend time with a project,

adding layers, colors and line,

you are developing a relationship with its presence as it evolves

So when you are done and you set it down,

it will continue to speak to you,

and most of what it says is about you

or I mean me

Below are bullet points of a few random thoughts this piece speaks

-why the space

-what are you leaving out, who

-you are not alone

-It will all break apart

-walk around

-decay

-blue was a good choice

-hold together

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

Dimensional Rift or Cracks in the Wall

Have you ever looked at a crack in the wall

and wondered if a life form from another dimension was pushing on the wall causing it to crack?

Okay, then you are probably more stable than me.

That is where this sculpture comes from; that kind of imagining.

Something I made up while looking at the sculpture:

The Crack

Shh, I just heard a tick, or more like a teenk

It just came from that crack, I mean that's what I think

do you hear a humming, or is that in my head

perhaps it's a buzzing that I am hearing instead

Is the crack getting bigger

was it always that long

I am going to stand behind you

and I need you to tell me I am wrong

Now I hear talking or maybe it's singing

Yes the buzzing has stopped, but now it's a ringing

This crack is distracting

I have given it too much control

I am putting it out of my mind

Wait, could it become a hole?

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

I Will Meet You There

" I Will Meet You There"

The title of this piece is probably more of a dare than an invitation. I mean, where is "There"?

There, among lines frantically scratched

There, about the strange forms not clear at all

There, washed in colors keeping the secrets

There, where there is no easy place to sit down

There, I am asking you to find your way around

There is no real promise that I will actually show up

I am as afraid as you are to go there

So let's find another location!

This image started as a mistake. It was one of those moments when a pen stroke went the wrong way and messed up what I was trying to do and in my frustration I just started scribbling and this was the result. 

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

with out form

I will let go of my form one day

what will I be then?

energy just bouncing around in the dust

a breeze blowing across damp metal creating rust

maybe a shimmer flashing in the hood of a car

or the haze in the distance blurring a rising star

two reeds sticking out of a pond one is wiggling back and forth

I'd be doing that. 

The gate in the backyard catches the wind, bangs the post

you know where I'm at.

let's say my form is gone

I will find ways to carry on

tiny little motions

or really big bangs

just when you think it's over

something somewhere starts again.

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

My Mind Nebula

"My Mind Nebula" is a colorful cloud that swirls around in my head. In my mind's self-fabricated reality there are actually many different nebula clouds. They are where I retreated when the teachers back in school said I was day dreaming. I fill these clouds with dream, in a form of language that only the soul can read. 

    We are beings of the outer world; we live by our senses. We measure, categorize, predict and plan everything out. We are driven by knowledge. We are now coming into a time where finding a balance between knowing and feeling will be the only way to thrive and survive.

    The reality is, the inner world is as big as the outer. In fact, the inner world may be larger than the universe itself. Then again, it may be the same place altogether. Whose mind nebula do you imagine you are living in? 

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

Trust

 Trust

Sometimes I trust

the piece to work.

In the process

I often encounter 

doubt.

This doubt comes 

from inner voices

saying, this makes no sense

why are you wasting time?

To which I say

trust me

it is alright to not know

what you are doing.

It took me a long time

to stand up to the voices

but now I trust the color and line.

They'lI know where to go

Trust.

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

Right Down The Line

 I wanted to say something

at the time no one was there to listen

with no one to listen the thought not need be understandable

a language that no one would need or be able to comprehend 

so after the paint was on I said what I wanted to say

by dragging the handle end of my brush through the paint

Because no one was there to listen or comprehend

the message could also be incoherent 

this is because although I wanted to say something

I realized being alone I also did not need to understand

or comprehend what I was trying to say

This may be the true advantage of being alone

and this is what I was trying to say

I think.

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

Fragments of Stories (revisited)

 Sometimes I feel we are each just a fragment of an enormous story

I move my chapter along and it bumps into yours

I add parts of your being to my being and then I move on

You may walk away with a few bits off a page of mine 

Our fragments may touch only for a brief moment

Or they may be tangled for days or years or even a lifetime

Our chapters are even twisted with people we never meet

An event shared by another about a happening they heard of

We are then moved to wonder about these distant actors

Why did they do that, were they hurt, are they okay, happy now?

I am confused, so many fragments affect my being

If I could just back up enough to see the whole story

So many fragments...

...I will think this some more, later.

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

The Line

Sometimes I am the line

I am just drawing to find myself

To see if I am still in the line

The line is a journey

I travel within the line

The line has power and presence

When I am the line I am in control

Doing what I need to do

Yes the line can be frightening

That's okay

I just keep moving

When I stop sometimes I have something

I always have something

When I am the line.

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

Moment #24

 California

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A Search...

When I first posted an image of this piece I called it "A Search For Place." My thinking was that the bright particle in the abstract photo at the center of the piece was representative of an entity searching for its place in the universe. At the time I thought that was what most persons were doing, seeking a place, a person or a situation that gave them that sense of place; that 'this is where I belong' feeling. Since then I have come to see it differently. The goal of the journey is not to find one place, but the search is within, to draw your true self out so that no matter where you are, there you are and that is the belonging. You then have the peace to belong anywhere and everywhere. So this piece has a second name, "A Search For Self."

jeffkimsey-carroll.com 

A Whirling About

 Once we were blobs of paint on a canvas

Then line began to define

and before we knew it we were whirling about

and feeling quite divine

In the whirling one may find themselves 

feeling truly, I say, most free

yet activity of such a vigorous nature may call one

to occasionally take a knee

still when you're a blob you have no bone or knee

and when you stop, you just spread out

so with no way of stopping, go on with your blobbing

and continue to whirl about.

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

Waiting for travelers

 Waiting for travelers

There is this place between the cosmos

yes there is more than one cosmos

there are kazillions 

and in this place wait bodies

bodies waiting for travelers

Vessels waiting to be filled

filled with a fragment of awareness

and then they will be set adrift in one of the cosmos

They will be propelled by desire 

a desire to know from where they came 

and where they are going

This desire will fill so much of their time drifting

That most will fail to be aware of the swirling life around them.

Embrace your drift

Be aware of your vessel's motion

Ride all the waves of light that carry you onward

Spend more time in the awareness on the journey

and less time seeking your destination.

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

The Skins We Wear

The Individual Next to Me

On this plane of existence

we are each a very colorful entity

all living in the same universe

no matter how far we are from one another

We impact each other 

The variety of skins we wear

disguise our true nature

The true nature cannot be described

It is felt none the less

It is a feeling of oneness

that both excites us and terrifies us at the same time

It is this emotional polarity 

that causes us to in one moment wage war

and in another risk our own life to save another

I will continue this thought later on.

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

 

In This Way

 It is so far to the outside

where warmth lives between bodies

within this space

out of a need

we will touch

and in this way

we will be one

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

No One Thing

I am here

and there

approaching from every direction

I am circle

and square

and have randomly placed selection

so that you have no true idea

of my intent

for it is no way sane 

this world I represent

take it

crumple it 

or do nothing with it at all

or smooth it

and frame it

and hang it on your wall

I call this Image "no one thing"

cause i wrote those words on it 

(the one red spot)

when I was creating it.

Not sure why. The poem came from

trying to explain the piece.

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

 

In Relationship to the Vastness of the Universe

Undefined form and color

 

can cause the viewer distress

if the viewer requires clear structure 

to move through life.

My intent in creating this 

was not to define anything. 

The process

was to surprise or awaken me

leaving me with time spent 

in a state of play,

following the whims

of the movements of my hand and mind.

Is it art? 

In relationship to the vastness of the universe

the question and the image 

are just fun, to ask and see and to create.

Go out and play in your universe!

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

Play

 Play 

an activity that brings you joy and has no particular result!

Play 

arrange it one way, then another way. both ways work.

Play 

you have an idea and I have an idea then we blend them together and find joy.

Play

The Art Of Play

Everyday

 Everyday I walk

I feel the Earth

under my feet

Pushing back

It holds me up

Gives me a place to stand

Tell me you fell it too

Tell me you feel it too...                           

                                                  I send this love I feel

to anyone of you

who may not feel the Earth needs you

It does

Find your place to stand

See the whole painting

the bridge

 True colors are not always necessary

The computer provides a trip into the imaginary

While I do like to bend the world this way

I would not want to dwell here everyday

I think it's the pink and the green

Yes it borders on obscene. 

Still cool!

Photo Shot crossing the Walt Whitman Bridge, Philadelphia, PA

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

A Town

A town 

in mind

in time

in case

in and around

in search of another space

I put color on the paper

then penned in shapes

it made me feel like I had found the place

nowhere in particular

found by forming lines

in a town drawn by me

Imagine what one finds

Above is a word storm. I look at the picture I created and try to write thoughts as fast as I can. I do get stuck sometimes. Trying to make fluid movements between my art work and my writing. I started the artwork to undo writer's block. Then I stopped writing. Now I am trying to find a balance.

Jeff

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

The Body Broken

 I feel movement 

around me

within me

passing through me

way beyond me

all the time

The vibrations of this movement

break me apart

This is not a negative fracturing

The breaking apart allows me to be more

a part of everything

This is good

Video of the Body Broken

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

Moment #23

 Light is better with Dark

kraD htiw retteb si thgiL

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

Tree

This Day

It set you on fire

the light passing through you

jumped into my sight

I raised the camera and grabbed the image

took it with me

took it home

saved the light and the fire

so I would always have it

but I don't really have it

I look at it

it is outside of me

I don't have the light and fire

you had it, tree, in that moment

I got to leave the moment there

with you, tree 

let the moments move through me

and beyond

don't need to take it home

Breath

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

In The Works

My brain is a machine

with a program

that runs constantly

The program is designed 

to keep me alive

The program's definition of alive

is survival

It is all it has ever known

When I ask it to show me true life

it says

it's in the works,

keep moving forward and you will work it out

 Let's think some more

Just keep thinking

You will work it out

Don't stop thinking

cause then you are dead,

just run the program 

It is in the works

I no longer think

this is true life.

jeffkimsey-carroll.com

Thoughts on Portals

 Are you looking for a way to somewhere else?

Or are you already somewhere else looking for the way back?

The moral of most portal stories is, Stay put!

The lure of the light within the portal is an illusion.

The decision to go belongs to each traveler.

Just remember you are already somewhere else.

Are you getting this?

Wait, where did you go?

jeffkimsey-carroll.com