just notion #8

There is a woman I know.

She comes from the woods,
the deep forest

that gives my soul depth.

I have known her all my life.

She is sister to my insecurity,

lover to my denial,

and mother to my ability to be complete.

Yet I struggle to understand her want.

She asks to go with me out beyond the trees,

into the open.

I take her by the hand

and walk her deeper into the wood.

You are safe here

Among these trees

I tell her.

Out there

together

It would become,

well complicated.

She claims she belongs there

with me.

I start a fire

it gives off heat.

We sit, she moves close.

I fear her more than any-

One,

cause I have kept her here for so long

protecting her,
or me...
--------------------------
This notion comes from a songwriting exercise I do sometimes. If I have an idea for a song I will sometimes just ignore all the metering and rhyming of the poetry and just do a stream of thought. It may be bullets of all the things the song topic makes me think about or often it is this kind of thing where I visualize myself telling someone the story behind the topic, it is an attempt to explain to my self what I am feeling or thinking.
This song is called "The Woman In The Woods". It is the struggle of the individual (okay me) to find the inner balance between the masculine and the feminine and understand the attributes, positive or negative that each possesses. This song idea has lived with me for over 25 years. I may never sing it but at least I have the exercise and pages of fragments. I'm not worried about the music the forest in my head is full of that. Oh and yes to me a song is a song even before it is done or ever performed. Even if no one ever hears it it has still had an effect upon me.
Jeff with song

just notion #7

into the darkness

again

to be there

here

in this dark

place

come to heal

hold

take back health

rest

but the darkness

consumes

easy to fear

question

is this death?

voices

with in me

speak

some lift up

others

draw me down

fight

I hold on

back

I will climb

out

of the dark
not

into the light

but

into the arms

now

of the one

who

holds it all

darkness
and the light
breath
I am there
good.

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Wrote this reflecting on a good friend who was having brain surgery, Scary days!

Jeff waiting

Fun With Paint!

Okay, okay I'm having fun now. A week ago I watched the movie "Pollock". It's the story of Jackson Pollock that Ed Harris did back in 2000. A very well done film: sad story. Ed Harris must have done lots of prep work on this one because the scenes where he paints are amazing. One of the ideas I got from watching the film was that he worked by trusting his subconscious. It seemed like he would just put color on the canvas and then pull form from it. The relationship the artist had was with the process, at least that's what I was feeling while watching the movie. I need to read more about Pollock's thinking, I got a book around here somewhere.

 Most people are familiar with Pollock's dripped work where he put the canvas on the floor and let the paint fall onto the canvas. That was at the end of his carrier, but before that he had more brush contact work.

So watching Ed Harris do his painting I thought I'm going to try this, just start to put the paint on the canvas and find form as it shows it's self to me. So because I have this blog to share my process I now have to be vulnerable and share my first two subconscious works with you. So here they are!

Sorry, but I'm going to keep doing this so you're going to see more of my twisted mind. Enjoy enjoy!! It'll grow on you, no it will!

                                             No1.                         

                                           No.2     

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This is one of Pollocks paintings with brush, it's called "The Key"

 Here's the website for pollock's work
  http://www.jacksonpollock.com/  

Jeff with paint in his hair     

Up late again!

Sometimes when I stay up late it's because I am drawing. I've been doing abstract sketches in pencil. I then take the sketches or drawings and scan them into the computer. I can then layer them with my abstract light photos and change colors and run them through filters and have all kinds of fun. These are the same idea as the faces a few posts back.

These drawings come from internal image. I will often just start drawing and let the lines go where they will until defined image begins to creep in. I have no way to tell you what this is that your looking at, it's just a feeling given form. The feeling depends on your perspective and life experiences. Take from it what you will. These two images began with the same sketch.

"You people wouldn't believe the images trapped in my head waiting to come out". Wait!

Jeff Abstracted

Sorry no time!

Here I go. I'm in that place where I feel I have nothing to blog about. So this post is about nothing. As a self employed person I am in that time of the year when I am pushing hard to get lots of work done so I can afford to go away for a few days and not get paid. So right now time to come up with a post is limited. So ( did you notice I keep starting sentences with "so") before I get back to work I "leave" you with this thought.

I claim my true value as now.
I have done the work
I toiled for days
High among the branches
And my peers 
Turning the poison air
To pure
Keeping the earth cool.
But I claim that what I am now
Still, at rest, silent,
always changing

This is my shinning moment

Joined with all the moments

Those behind

And those to come

I am of the value

That is appropriate

For this moment.

The whole of existence

is good with me here.

Listen to nature it will tell you what you need to know.

One of my spiritual guides in life is Ernest Thompson Seton. He is the creator of the American Boy Scouting program as well as an author, painter and conservationist. His dream for the American Scouting program was unfortunately over taken in the early part of the last century by the American Military Machine of the first world war and it has never recoverd. Read about him at this website http://www.etsetoninstitute.org/BIOBYDEE.HTM

Jeff back at work now